Abstract:

Occam’s Razor, the best this man can get (ha, a Gillette pun).

I love competing hypotheses, total science geek here!  I help my clients all the time evaluate decisions with the ultimate goal in mind, whatever it may be.  Here is how I practice what I preach.  A blog from late 2012, with updates.

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Soon I am moving to a new home without a roommate, and right now I am trying to understand some of my anxiety surrounding the big event.

Buckle up, this is how I evaluate most complex decision points . . .

When I was in graduate school my professors implored us to choose simple explanations over complex ones, when the simple ones are good enough.  Occam’s Razor is the Ivory Tower name for the process.

I love the idea of good enough, it is a tonic for the scourge of perfectionism that plagues 21st century life.

So, let’s examine my anxiety around moving.  Here are some possible hypotheses . . .

1. I do not like decorating/designing/buying stuff.  [2019 Update: Still true, and then as now I have the best friend in the world to help me with those things!]

2. Moving is just stressful.

3. Living alone means quiet and loneliness . . . yikes.

4. Because this new apartment could feel like my home  . . . yikes.

5. Living alone, now, makes it easier to fall in love. . . yikes.

When I write these down I realize that numbers 1-2 cause very little emotional or physiological reaction.  Perhaps for now, it is best to discard each as an anxiety explanation.

But the other three . . . WOW!  I felt something as I wrote each one (hence the “yikes”).

Keep in mind numbers 3, 4 and 5 are related but it is important to separate and unpack each to discover the deeper meaning.

So let’s start to figure it out . . .

Number 3:

Yes, I often equate “quiet” with “boring”, and no doubt I bore easily . . . I like it spicy!  But I also enjoy exploring my inner peace and sometimes quiet is a prerequisite.

And heck, if I crave noise I will be living on the loudest street in DC [2019 Update: I lived on U Street back then and loved it!].  Plus I can sing at the top of my lungs and no one will hear me except me.

I should also think about how quietness is not necessarily a sign or precursor of habitual loneliness . . . hmm . . .  keep reading . . .

Number 4:

I have resisted the idea of “home” since I left Budapest in 2009.  In the past three years I have called my domicile, “my apartment”, never my home.

Could it be that my last home in a foreign land was fancy and that fact created my sense of belonging?  I wish that were true, however vapid that may seem, because the real reason requires me to open up a lot more.

My ex and I made it a home.  Home was about partnership.  In fact, wherever we lived during ten years together, both fancy and spartan, I thought of as home.

Time to think differently!

So instead of interpreting the concept of “home” as meaning two or more occupants in an intimate relationship, it just means one or two, each at intimate peace with themselves. . . or at least figuring it out as best he/they can. [2019 Update: Right now it means a human and a canine for me, as my kooky dog is part of whatever home I live in, for better or for worse!]

But what about love . . .

Number 5:

Recovering alcoholics stay away from bars, it’s a form of much needed self-regulation and trigger avoidance.

After Budapest, let’s just say I dated a lot while living alone.  Yes, it was about meeting new people and putting myself out there.  But the sheer numbers raised a red flag.  The sea of faces and experiences reduced my potential for true intimacy.

So having a roommate this past year helped me to moderate my, shall we say, zestful behavior in that realm.  It is harder to date in large quantities when there is a third person around.

A roommate was one of my forms of self-regulation as I continued to open my heart.  It created a space where I could pause for a bit, and that pause allowed for deeper connections.

So now it is time, so to speak, to re-enter the bar and trust myself to drink virgin cocktails.

If I just “Occam’s Razored” the cause of my anxiety then  . . . the relationship between 3, 4 and 5 probably have the greatest explanatory power.  That knowledge is now mine to do with as I please.

It’s amazing, this blog started as a way to understand simple anxiety around a move.  Now I get to explore what it means to be at peace, alone, or with another, yet always zestful and open to love.

And guess what . . . I get to do all of this in a new home.

Occam’s Razor does not mean we ignore all possibilities.  It just means that through a process of simplification we have the ironic potential of reaching deeper meaning and self-understanding.

Have something causing you anxiety?

Try out the method and find the connections.  It’s fun, it raises self-awareness, relaxes you and helps you make better decisions for you.

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.