I have been thinking lately about secrets since I both hear so many as a coach and I have a few of my own.

The following sentence comes up more than any other during my work-week, “This is totally confidential, right?”

Of course my answer is always “yes.” Then the client divulges a secret and we take it from there.  Frankly, my mind is filled with the secrets of dozens of clients.

I have noticed how common it is when clients open up to me what they think no one else thinks, feels, or does, they soon begin to open up to others about their secrets.

But not all the time . . .

To what extent is it enough to tell a relatively unbiased third party about the potential harm you have done to a family member, friend, colleague or intimate partner, and then stop there?

What if the transgression happened many years before?  What is the statute of self-limitations?

When is coming clean going too far?  In short, how much of self-healing and “moving on” are contingent upon 100% disclosure?

Whether it is a lie, an act of infidelity, a white-collar crime, an act of “omission/commission,” or some other form of deception, it seems the answer depends on the circumstances . . .

Gosh, I hate that answer sometimes.  I am such a moral relativist!  As my mother often reminded me though, “When we are talking about human nature, the outcome is often messy, messy, messy!”

Perhaps thinking of the person who was harmed is the first step.  If you are disclosing to them and it benefits them and you, at least in the long term, then that seems a healthy and wise admission.

However if your disclosure does them no good and hurts you even more in the process, then is it worth it?  Who benefits . . . the universe?

And what if you have not harmed anyone but still want to disclose a secret?

I guess then you must weigh the costs and benefits for you and choose that option.

Yikes this blog post is filled with more questions than answers . . .

It seems to me that all secrets are not created equal.

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.