The Kinetic Blog

November 26th, 2013

Some Happiness

I cannot believe it has been 50 years since JFK was assassinated.  I recall entering my freshman year of college and hearing all about the 25-year anniversary of that same event.

That remembrance and reflective period in late 1988 influenced me greatly and I soon became obsessed with all things Kennedy.  This led to another obsession with all things presidential and eventually a rewarding teaching career where I taught and created courses on political leadership and crisis management.  Ah yes, obsessions can be healthy . . . sometimes.

Kennedy loved a news conference and my favorite occurred on October 31, 1963, just four weeks prior to his untimely death.  A reporter asked him if he liked his job as president.  This softball question produced a high brow and very reflective off the cuff answer.

The President paused as he always did, and then spoke about how liking the job and being happy in the job were related.

He then shared the definition the ancient Greeks gave of happiness . . .

“The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.”  So based on that definition, Kennedy averred, the job of president provided “some happiness”.  To the President, this was not an all or nothing proposition.

And that’s the point, all of our jobs, relationships, and life experiences have the potential to provide some happiness if we know where to look and then know how to act.  And guess what, a presidential seal in the office is not a requirement.

The sum of that “some happiness” will grow if we focus like a laser on what I like to call happiness hotspots.  These hotspots are all around us.  Granted they may be difficult to identify to the unseasoned practitioner of happiness, but it does get easier with practice.  We know them because we receive a healthy boost of well-being each time we engage with them.  And many of them require the involvement of another person to get the full effect.

I think though that we often miss these hotspots because we are too busy feeding our addiction to technology we think brings us closer to others.  No doubt our smart phone, tablet, laptop, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc. can have a connective influence on our lives.

But the effect is curvilinear.  That means at some point the return on our investment diminishes.  Eventually the very act of obsessively “staying in touch” produces the paradoxical outcome of distracting and disconnecting us from the people with whom we seek deeper connections.  Imagine if President Kennedy had had a news conference every day instead of twice a month.  Would they have been as effective, enlightening, or interesting? Would he have enjoyed them as much?

But it is not enough just to disconnect in order to reconnect.  We still have work to do.  We must find our true happiness hotspots.

One of these may be cultivating a gratitude attitude.   Research shows this works for most of us.

So how about this week, since it is Thanksgiving, we focus on just the gratitude hotspot.

Keep in mind it has to be genuine . . . faking it till we make it can only get us so far.  Eventually we must get real to be real.

Try sitting with a friend and telling her why you are grateful for her in your life. Be specific, take your time, and let the tears of joy flow.  That’s it, simple and effective.

In my favorite Kennedy speech he spoke of things that make life worth living.  It was a speech about genuine peace.  He was certainly referring to the potential for peace between nations, for it was the height of the Cold War.  But the larger point was this:  genuine peace, whether between nations, within ourselves, or between two people who care for one another is a pursuit that requires bold and consistent action and experimentation in an effort to find that hotspot’s sweet spot.

I loved studying Kennedy because he thought big.  For sure there were many consequences of that big thinking, both positive and intended and negative and unintended, that we still live with well beyond his death.  But playing it safe, all the time, is so overrated and may never improve your happiness.

Act now, turn off the distractions, and locate your hotspots . . . come on, enjoy some happiness.

If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.

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