The passing of Nelson Mandela has stirred emotions the world over.  Living until 95 is certainly a blessing.  But always keep in mind that 27 years of his life were spent in prison, and not the kind Martha Stewart enjoyed.

As a coach I come across clients from time to time who prevent their own happiness because they are addicted to bitterness.  For example, perhaps a long time ago a business partner “swindled” them and so they do not dare engage in partnerships now for fear of the past repeating itself.

Or there may be some who are working on forging more meaningful relationships but who just cannot seem to stop talking about the ones that lacked meaning five years, or ten years, or forty years ago.

Our past . . . how do we grow from it instead of being the prisoner of it?

By trying something different.

And that is exactly what Mandela did, and because of his experimental ethic he became the quintessential Life Coach, talking the talk and walking the walk.

While in prison, after years of nurturing himself on the hatred he had for his racist and totalitarian captors, Mandela decided to experiment with forgiveness.

I doubt he thought this decision would have international reach one day.  My guess . . . it was personal, a way to survive and perhaps thrive during a prolonged and an egregiously unfair incarceration.

But his experiment did produce results of international significance.  When he was finally given the opportunity to lead, Mandela sought reconciliation.

Never forget that once he obtained power he made the choice to rebuke recrimination and revenge, saving the lives of tens of thousands and perhaps more.

There are so many ways to lead people, but I would argue the very best is to inspire others with your vision and then act upon that vision each and every day.  The key is the action supported by the words.

Mandela started by changing the rules.  In the 1990s South Africa eliminated laws steeped in inequality.  He presided over a country whose people enjoyed a new constitution infused with the concept of complete equality envied the world over.

Next, Mandela was a realist and knew his country had to face the past.  It is frankly folly to believe anyone can just “forgive and forget.”  Instead Mandela embraced a different mantra: never forget and still forgive.

My connection to Mandela and forgiveness is quite tangential but meaningful to me.

Years ago, after a ten year relationship with an ex ended, I was incredibly sad and angry.  There were times I wanted to cry myself to death.  As I worked through the pain I soon learned my ex partner had fallen in love with a South African.

As time passed a mutual friend informed me that the two of them were able to marry.  Now this was before equal marriage became all the rage.  So I thought, “Where?”

In South Africa . . . thanks to Nelson Mandela.

It was one of those ah-ha moments of my life.  Empathy begins when we come down from the wobbly pedestal of moral indignation.  I spent a great deal of time seeking to understand more completely instead of just judging my ex and his new partner.

I thought about how hard it must be to be the person “doing” the breaking up.  I thought about how difficult it is to end just about anything let alone a love affair that lasted a decade.  I thought about how my anger and sadness imprisoned me from the healing power of self-awareness, self-understanding, and self-growth.

Mandela taught us the most valuable lesson a Life Coach can ever reveal to a client.  If you do not work on forgiveness you will always be held captive to mediocrity and bitterness.

Who can you forgive this week:  a former lover, a parent, a friend, or perhaps even yourself?

It’s hard work but heck, let’s learn from Nelson Mandela.

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.