I could just kiss Justice Anthony Kennedy and President Barack Obama right now.  But I won’t since I respect their strange lifestyle choices.  

About two weeks ago I got engaged!

Some background . . .

I was about eleven years old when I realized I was different (“very peculiar” is the word my grandmother would use to describe me).  That year, 1981, I wanted to make some money so my precocious self started my first business, with my very own secretary and an assistant (my neighborhood friends Cathy and Adam).  I also wanted to be a basketball player so I started to practice and soon my geeky body was able to hold its own.  Finally, I wanted to stop getting poor grades in school so I begrudgingly created sub-optimal homework habits that eventually helped me get into some prestigious schools.

So I was a bold and adventurous go-getter for a young kid.  But not in one crucial area of my life, my sexuality.  By eleven I also realized I was gay.  Now I didn’t call it that back then, but I knew.  I also knew it was not normal and not in a good way to my family, friends, community, and country.  So I stayed in the closet for about fifteen years.

When I dated women in my early 20s, to keep up the deception, the idea of marriage seemed like a prison sentence.  When I finally ran screaming out of the orientation closet in the 90s I soon realized I could have love but never marriage.  I loathe the victim mentality so in an effort to prevent it from overtaking me I made fun of marriage, emphasized its many contradictions, and scoffed at the idea that my relationships required the approval of any legal entity.  Plus marriage seemed so girly.

Even though I thought it was amazing that so many states, starting with Massachusetts in 2003, began to recognize the importance of equality under the law, it was not until the federal government (a Supreme Court decision embraced wholeheartedly by the Executive branch) recognized that same right in June of 2013 that I began to understand the true nature of the change.

A change within me.

Here is what I continue to learn about every day:  Equality begins and ends with an understanding and an appreciation of ourselves.  Then you fight for it.  We cannot expect equal treatment by anyone if we are not willing to treat ourselves with respect and dignity.

External homophobia is undoubtedly awful.  But for many gay people, including me, our own internalized homophobia created and continues to create personal and professional roadblocks to happiness. You do not whisk homophobia away just by acknowledging its existence though.  But it sure as heck hurts less when you do!

I want to express my sincere gratitude to all of the trailblazing equal rights advocates, both gay and straight, for giving me and my partner an opportunity for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  Heck, gay means happy after all.  It’s not girly, it’s not a prison sentence, it’s a right fought for and won.  I choose to see what it’s all about.

I choose love and marriage.

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.