“I want to be more successful.”  My clients, the vast majority of whom are small business owners, utter these words to me constantly.

At Velocity we define success as the achievement of our goals with an increase in our well-being during the achievement process.  Yes, the journey and the destination are inextricably linked.

From that vantage point I urge you to raise your awareness of the three primary success relationships.

Your Relationship with Your Business

I started a small hotel in Budapest with my former partner about ten years ago.  It was the business challenge of a lifetime.  There were so many obstacles and I enjoyed tackling each and every one of them.  It made me feel important and successful.

But I spent so much time making it happen that I never took the time to determine if it was something I even wanted in the first place.

Once the project ended I got very bored with the day-to-day operations.  How many times can you tell a guest the best place to eat in the neighborhood before your brain feels like it is dying?

In short, I did not build it for the right reasons.  It was not about my dreams, values, or desires.  It was about my partner’s.  I soon grew weary, and it affected all of my relationships.

It took my ex to break the logjam.  He broke up with me, freeing me from an interesting but unfulfilling life.

If you feel unsuccessful in your current job, examine the reasons for why you chose it in the first place.  Careful not to throw away all the good, but be open to exploring new possibilities.

Your Relationship with Colleagues

I joined a small tech start-up after college.  Everyone thought we were going to strike it rich quick.  My colleagues and I were clones.  We all lived for work, we all dreamed of the pot at the end of the rainbow, we all saw our personal relationships suffer, and we were all in terrible physical health.

We have a tendency to rise or fall depending on the people with whom we surround ourselves.

After leaving that start-up I explored physical health and well-being for the first time and it changed my life.  I chose friends and future business opportunities that would never sacrifice health over achievement.

If you feel unsuccessful in your current career look at the people around you.  Would you want to be any of them if forced to make that choice?  If the answer is “no” then explore new possibilities.

Your Relationship with You

I once worked as the chief of staff of a highly successful family as they planned to build their dream estate on several acres of land in Massachusetts.  It was an amazing job, I got to witness a kind of life most of us can only dream about.

I have always had an easy time communicating with people, whether bosses, family members, friends, or colleagues.  The boss I had during the estate construction project confounded me.  It was so hard to read him, and I felt he was speaking a different language the majority of the time.  It made the job so much harder than it had to be.  Or did it?

I started to look inward.

I realized that, frequently, I am turned off by people who have many of the same qualities I possess.  When someone is pushing our buttons many times they represent something we do not like about ourselves.

For example, this boss could be completely dispassionate and blunt when making a decision.  Dah, I am the same way.  This boss had a rational brain that was capable of juggling many tasks seemingly simultaneously.  Dah, I am the same way.  This boss sometimes wanted it all regardless of who was affected by the decision.  Dah, I am the same way.

But not all the time.  We love to make sweeping generalizations about others and ourselves.  Unpack those generalizations to get to the truth that leads to a more successful business life.

I left that job when I realized there was nothing wrong with the boss.  I was using my dissatisfaction with him as a proxy for the actual reason . . . the job itself was unrewarding.

“It’s about relationship building.”  How many times have we heard this business cliché?  I would argue it is about relationship awareness first.   Becoming aware of the complexity of our success relationships, the relationship with the business itself, with our colleagues, and with ourselves, will prevent poor decisions and create incentives to make change happen sooner rather than later.

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.