Larson finally smiling!

Recently my nephew Larson phoned me to discuss a school matter.   The call made me think of our topsy-turvy relationship.

I have written about him before.  He is 12 now . . . going on 60.

And I always learn so many lessons from him.  When he was a baby he taught me about patience and understanding.  Prior to his birth I thought I was a marvelous caregiver.  His older sister and I got along so beautifully.  I assumed I had a knack with children.

Wrong!

My nephew, practically from the moment he popped out, did not react well to my “come on, let’s just try it, learn, and have fun” ethic.  In fact, for him, that outlook was anathema to the bone.

Larson likes to take his time, and no one was going to rush him without a fight.  When he was a baby, the boy had lungs larger than Pavarotti and he could and would scream like a teen-aged girl in a terrible horror flick when he was removed from an activity he enjoyed.

Sometimes I just wanted to smack him.

So when I answered his call last week I chuckled inside when he shared with me the topic of his school assignment:  Write about a challenge/fear you overcame with the help of others.  My nephew has always been a boy of few words and he prefers to figure it all out on his own.  “Help from others?”, I thought, “Never!”

I immediately started to judge him and his past.

And then . . .

I realized Larson is Mini-Me.  As a young boy I hated the intervention of adults.  I thought they were boring, pushy, bossy, and just a general pain in the butt.  I hated asking for help.  The consequence?  It made my childhood so much harder than it had to be.

So when did things change for me?  Embracing the help of others began when I spent my junior year abroad.  I was such an American and could not emotionally and physically navigate outside my country’s context without the help of the locals.

I continued to accept the input and help of others when my mother died.  I thought it was amazing how many people genuinely cared for my well-being without asking for anything in return.

My relational metamorphosis continued when I came out of the closet.  Then I realized how the vast majority of people are supportive and curious, not judgmental and bigoted.

So I learned that asking for help often prevents unnecessary drama and angst.  I learned that this supposed instinct is not necessarily instinctual for all of us.

So you might be wondering what fear did Larson have as a young boy?  He was afraid of water and it took a lot of patience and understanding to slowly introduce him to the wonders of the ocean.

Ironically I cannot stand beaches to this day.  I think sand is gross and the water yucky.

Still learning!

So Larson, the greatest lesson I hope you learn from your kooky uncle is that life is so much better when it is shared.  It is so much better when we care less how we look and care more for how we connect.  It is so much better when we smile along with our family and friends in the face of life’s invariable confusions and failures.

But then again you are learning these lessons every day.  Heck, let’s not overlook the fact that you did call me for help.

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.