For most of us networking sucks because we suck at it.

Why?

Because we do not have a strategy for making each event we attend fun and hopefully successful.  Here are three strategic tips.

Know You

First, stop network bashing.  Most people, from my own experience networking and coaching, find the process quite grueling.  The few remaining diehards are not particularly good at it or pretend to like it so as not to seem “un-business-like”.

Hating it, though, comes at a great cost.  It prevents us from understanding ourselves and growing our businesses.  Usually we hate what we perceive we are not good at.  It’s a vicious circle.

Second, avoid the vicious circle by identifying your best time of the day.  I am a morning person so I do the vast majority of my networking in the morning.  When I first started coaching I attended evening events and thought I would just die.  Then shortly after this grueling nocturnal experiment, I founded a business-networking group that meets once a week on Wednesday mornings at 7:30am.  Many people would be horrified to meet that early.  Not me and not the vast majority of my colleagues in the group.

Attend business breakfasts or lunchtime lectures if you are an early bird.  In the past three years I have built my business avoiding ad hoc evening events as much as possible.

Third, and most importantly, identify your connection preference.  If you prefer to keep it purely professional and brief when you interact with people then it is best for you to hyper-mingle at events, meeting as many people as you can.  I call these people networking butterflies as they fly from person to person, obtaining as many business cards as possible.

For many of us though, we are networking hummingbirds.  And like the hummingbird we are more focused.  We spend a greater amount of time with fewer people and we are more comfortable (or just crave) talking about our lives and our businesses and hearing about the lives and businesses of a colleague.

Traditionally the hummingbirds receive a bad rap.  When you are in a room they are usually easy to spot.  They seem vulnerable.  Their vulnerability, however, is a strength and not a weakness if used properly.  Instead of appearing vulnerable, be open to owning your vulnerability by expressing it (see below).  This is the key to meaningful connections.

The butterfly and hummingbird approach each has its advantages and disadvantages.  The networking butterfly will meet more people.  So by the sheer grace of the odds they may make a connection or two that is important to them and/or their business.  However, butterflies expend a ton of energy and deeper connections are often sacrificed, connections that may lead to more efficient and reliable business and personal growth.

Conversely, networking hummingbirds may miss the opportunity to meet that special someone else who would make an excellent connection because they focus on one or two people at each event.

Keep in mind that most of us have both hummingbird and butterfly networking instincts.  It’s a scale with each species at one end of it.  You just need to know where you lean.  For example, I can butterfly with the best of them, but I lean hummingbird and so I network using that approach more often.

Know Them

When you network find your kind.  Hetero-networking across species is not entirely effective.

Hummingbirds relate best to other hummingbirds and butterflies to other butterflies.  If you want to be successful and efficient, embrace the homo-networking world!

Seriously, it is important to spend time with people who share your networking values.  For example, my Wednesday morning networking group has over 30 members.  Between meetings, members are encouraged to meet 1 to 1 to create deeper ties.  I have found that the butterflies in the group find these meetings incredibly uncomfortable and unproductive.  Perhaps that’s because I am trying to go deep and personal and that’s what they find so icky and disconcerting.

Finally, you must learn to ask interesting questions from a posture of curiosity and interest to discern the species of your connection.

Here are just three that I think are amazing to pick out the hummingbirds . . .

Q: So tell me, what brought you to [the city you are in] in the first place?

– A chance to talk about the past with myriad opportunities to see if this person likes to keep it surfacey or goes deep.

Q: I have to admit networking makes me a little nervous, how has it helped your business?

– A chance to learn about what the person does without asking, “So what do you do?”

Q: It’s funny what we will all do to grow our businesses, tell me what do you love most about what you do for a living?

– When people talk about what they love they are more likely to open up and make a connection.

If the person is more “hummingbird” they will respond positively to these questions and they will ask you follow-up questions.

Know Their Network

Finally, and this is probably the most important, you must assess the probability that other people listen to and respect the person you are chatting up regardless of their networking species.  For example, I spend my time mingling with people who lean hummingbird and I think others find real, reliable, and reputable.

The best connection is not the person who hires you but the person who recommends you to many other people and they all hire you.

In three steps you will become a more successful business networker and have more fun doing it.  First, know your species.  Where do you lean?  More hummingbird or more butterfly?  Second, know the species of the people around you and realize that you will be more successful relating to your own species.  Finally, regardless of the kind of networker you chat up, think about how real, reliable, and reputable others find them.  If they score highly on each, they may become an amazing source of business for you without ever spending a dime of their own money on you.

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.