Many clients ask me to help them make “better decisions.”  Of course for many of us the path to making better decisions is often bumpy and winding.  However, if you start by following these three steps you will quickly see how your life will change for the better.

Step 1:  How are you making decisions now?

Here are the popular answers I hear:

1. “Based on how I handled a similar situation in the past.”

2. “Based on what is best for my family/partner/other people.”

3. Most popular: “I don’t know.”

Here are the two answers we rarely suggest but are probably in play more than we would like to acknowledge:

1. Based on fear.

2. Based on anger/sadness.

None of the above will help you consistently flourish.  And the most popular truthful answers, fear, anger/sadness, and “I don’t know” are no way to live a life.

Step 2: What are values and why do they matter?

Live your life by what you value.  Seems simple enough.  The problem is there are numerous definitions of a value.  Try this simple value filter: If the word makes your heart sing it is probably a value.  My clients go through an intensive and comprehensive values assessment to determine the words that make their heart sing.  It only takes about an hour, and the results are compelling.

Once you begin to experiment with making decisions based on what you value you suddenly reduce unnecessary drama in your life, you stop worrying every time you are asked to choose, and you begin to navigate the forks in the road to success with speed and confidence.

Step 3: The words are not enough

My values are community, opportunity, commitment, and love.  These are wonderful words, for me.  However, when I am faced with a decision, how can these words help me to make a good one?  Well they can, most of the time.  For example, if I have a choice between trying something new in my business and relying on the tried and true, I am more likely to experiment because it speaks to my value of opportunity.  I love to seize an opportunity.

But what happens when I have to choose between my commitment to my clients and my commitment to my friends?  Commitment is a value and this choice seems to produce conflicting value allegiances.  I am clearly committed to both my friends and clients, and both are part of my community (another value), and frankly I love them too (yet another value).

So Step 3 is about creating your own valued purpose statement.  This statement fleshes out what you mean by your words and reduces values conflicts.  A valued purpose embodies your values, although the statement may not contain any of the words.

My valued purpose statement is:  Bold and consistent experimentation in the spirit of well-being (I define well-being using an acronym called PERMA, a construct used in positive psychology, where each letter stands for an element of emotional health).

Back to my choice between clients and friends . . .

The simple answer is it depends . . . There is never a 100 percent clear choice if you are conflicted.  You would not be conflicted otherwise.  So I ask myself, “As of right now, what decision would be more likely to lead me down a path of bold and consistent experimentation in the spirit of PERMA?”

Then I make the decision and move on.  It’s not a perfect system for we are not computers.  Notice though how fear, anger, and “I don’t know” are stricken from the process.  This realization is revolutionary for most people.

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.