(audio version available at the end of this post)

I am not the type of person particularly interested in reunions, graduations, or other celebrations (especially birthdays).

In fact, I have never attended a college graduation or a high school or college reunion.  And I even tried to get out of going to my own high school graduation, until my dear mother, who put up with a lot of my adolescent nonsense, decided to pull rank and force me to attend.

Similarly, I have a very hard time staying connected with people from my past.  I rarely text, email, FB message, LinkedIn message or phone (so many options in 2015!) an “old” connection who does not live in my city or in those perplexing suburbs surrounding it.

And speaking of connections, I know there must be a connection between my aversion to reunions and my disinterest in remaining up-to-date with out of area old friends.

Let’s explore  . . .

Those Darn Assumptions

It turns out there are many foundational assumptions I have that reinforce my aversions and disinterests.

Here are the top two:

1. If I reconnect with groups of people from my past we will just reminisce.  Heck, I spend enough time mentally surveying my past, searching for clues that explain why I am who I am.  Do I really need another opportunity to get caught up in my own head?

2. If I stay connected with an old friend I will decrease my relational bandwidth (there are only so many hours in the day to hang out with friends).  The result?  Fewer new people will enter my orbit, people who will help us grow faster because our conversations and interactions are fresh and novel.  And fresh means we concentrate more, and absorb more  . . . variety is the spice of life.

Now, there is some validity in both of these assumptions, since many assumptions are rooted in certain truths.  But I am not satisfied with my analysis here.  It seems too parsimonious and lacking in essential nuance.

I need some contemporary empirical evidence to challenge my assumptions, and that evidence requires me to buck my own trend.

So, guess what?  Recently, I conducted two experiments.  I love an experiment!

The Two Reunions

About three weeks ago, thanks to the consistent prompting of a wise former student, I held a Success U reunion (for the autumn 2014 cohort).  Success U is Kinetic’s group coaching program to help people achieve their goals and increase their emotional and physical well-being in the process.

Ten of us sat around a table one Thursday evening at my office in Downtown DC.  I presumed we would share stories from the course and relive our favorite moments.  On the contrary, we delved deeply into our current challenges.  Many students shared how potential solutions may lie in the methods and skills we learned from the course.

I felt like a proud parent and never once felt hijacked by my own kooky thoughts.

Sort of debunks my first assumption.

Then yesterday evening I reconnected with an old friend.  I have seen this friend three times in the past nine years.  The reunion was entirely his doing (just like the previous two).  And when we met for dinner I felt absolutely absorbed in our conversation.

In a mere 90 minutes we covered a breathtaking number of topics and learned new and interesting facts (and uncovered truths) at an accelerated rate.  And even though a decade ago, when we lived in the same city and had hundreds of conversations, last night, new topics effortlessly emerged, and new avenues were explored that will keep us connected. (And yes, we reminisced too . . . not so bad after all.)

Familarity is also the spice of life.

Sort of debunks my second assumption.

Does this mean I should open up my Rolodex (remember those?) and start contacting everyone from my past?  Hardly.  But it does mean I will seize more of these opportunities going forward as I continue to gather data that may add some much needed nuance to two assumptions that do not always serve me or my world very well.

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.