(audio version available at the end of this post)

This is my second blogpost within the past six weeks on building character.  In my previous post I discussed the concept at the theoretical level offering three standards that are required to live a life steeped in character.

Possibly the most important standard to uphold is interacting with people, people who all possess differing capacities and capabilities, from a posture of curiosity, non-judgment, and love.

In this post I share a summertime experiment I created to help me build some of my own character capacity.

First Some Scholarly Background

In David Brooks’ new book on building character he contrasts our desire to conquer our world (by emphasizing résumé credentials) with our desire to serve our world (by emphasizing eulogy credentials).  The latter is more important and undervalued in the 21st century he argues (I agree).

Take a moment to compare your résumé with your eulogy.  Presumably, you all have a résumé, so now take some time to write your eulogy (just make sure people know you are writing it as an exercise to understand what legacy you wish to leave and not as some cry for help due to suicidal thoughts!).

Impressive résumés include the kinds of accomplishments employers want to hear about: scholastic degrees, impact on the bottom line, exceeding some financial expectation, raising unexpected revenue, and awards received.

Impressive eulogies include the kinds of accomplishments a greater power would love to read about:  how we loved well, how we communicated effectively, how we inspired the under-inspired, how we conquered our inner demons, how we mastered our desires, how we regulated our lives, how we served something bigger than ourselves, and how we helped those less capable.

In short, eulogies emphasize our virtuous pursuits.

One of my favorite character building tools described within the book is called agency. Agency is our ability to affect our own outcomes.  Brooks describes how 19th century author George Eliot “began the process by which she would stop being blown about by her voids and begin to live according to her own inner criteria, gradually developing a passionate and steady capacity to initiate action and drive her own life.”

Like Eliot, we all have the capacity to drive our own virtuous lives.

And often it starts by seizing potentially virtuous experiences.

And Speaking of Driving Our Own Lives

So this spring when my sister told me my niece Tess wanted to learn to drive a car I jumped at the opportunity to help.  I mean, come on, great material for my eulogy (and my blog)!

Her first driving lesson took place last week.  We started in a large parking lot.  I have rarely experienced such an “in the moment” feeling as I did that afternoon watching her practice something so monumental for the very first time.

I thought my mind would drift to my past experiences learning to drive almost 30 years ago.  But I was surprised at my focus on her and her moment learning something brand new.  I was actually savoring observing the excitement on her face and in hearing it in her voice as she slowly but surely gained the capacity, literally and figuratively, to drive her own life.

And never once did I fear for my life!

At the end of her first tutorial in that empty parking lot I paused (a dramatic pregnant pause her grandmother in heaven would have loved), and said, “Tess you are ready to take your first real road trip today.”

Before she pulled out onto the road for the two mile trek home, we reviewed a few essential rules.  And we also came up with a plan just in case the trip became overwhelming for her or for me (procedures involving emergency breaks and hazard lights!).

She succeeded!  Not just because we survived unscathed, but because she tried.

Her journey will have lots of zig zags, numerous bumps, and perhaps a few fender benders. Remember a life of character, one forged in our belief in human agency, is as much about seizing wonderful opportunities to serve something greater as it is about our struggle to discover our place in our world before our service really can even begin.  The two go hand-in-hand, and the process is messy.  Sometimes we just do not know where our wheels will take us.

A great reminder for the student and this teacher.

Vroom vroom Tess!  Thanks for helping to build my character as I watch you build yours.

—

If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.