(audio version available at the end of this post)

I am feeling blue.  Just not “myself” lately.  When I used to tell my dear grandmother I did not feel like myself she would exclaim, “Then who the hell do you feel like?”

But I am restless and less than cheerful.

As a coach I have to remind myself that showing all of my feelings is as important to me as it is to my clients.  Reveal and express!  And I will use this blogpost to do just that.

Let’s explore where my restlessness may be coming from.

1) The Past

No doubt I place my mother on a pedestal and my father in a dungeon.  She was Ms. Energy, always moving, and he, Mr. Relax, always resting.  So when I feel lethargic, as I do of late, I feel badly about it.  Truth is, both of my parents had it right.  Unfortunately they both took their strengths to the extreme.

I think, therefore, sometimes I conflate “blue” with “chill”.  I do not do chill well, as it reminds me of my father.  Seems unproductive, like I judged him to be.  Yet I must remind myself that some of my very best ideas come to me when I reflect and relax.

This restless feeling may, in fact, reveal more of what I want out of my middle-aged life.  Time to step back and challenge both my maternal and paternal messaging from the grave.  Balance . . . not sexy, just smart.

2) Physiology trumps Psychology

I am extremely sensitive to the physical, so for example, when I am not eating well, I often feel “off” about just about everything.  And I tend to catastrophize and exaggerate life’s challenges.  Lately, I have not been as careful about the foods I am consuming.  This is a recipe for disaster for me and my world.

Time to step back, get back to the basics of nutrition, sleep, and exercise, and see how things settle in my mind.

3) Personal and Professional

The intersection between these two, the personal, our home life, and the professional, our office life, is where true growth begins and ends.  For my clients I feel like I am operating on all thrusters, challenging them to live their lives in a successful manner, success defined as enhancing their emotional and physical well-being as they tackle goals and avoid burn-out.

This trajectory is different for all people.  Patience and creativity are required to help clients figure it out, in their own way.

Yet at home I have judged my husband’s path.  I am impatient, preachy, less than the optimal husband I aspire to be.  I feel quite guilty about this.  It does not help that he is traveling a lot this month.  Face it, it is scary when our well-being is so inextricably linked to another human being.

Time to step back, converse and not preach, ask for help if we need it, and remind each other of our shared values and vision.

I may be quite uncomfortable over the next few weeks as I continue to reflect on why I am not “me”.  The truth is?  This feeling is totally a part of the whole me.  Not always pretty, but always real.

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.