(audio version available at the end of this post)

Ok, I know, a provocative title for a blogpost.

CRAP, of course, is an acronym, and it stands for Chronic Responsibility & Achievement Programme (I spell it like a Brit would, just looks posh that way!).

The CRAP is supported by a seductive self-siren, one that selectively reveals the potential benefits of our “all-in” 21st century mindset . . . benefits like money, fame, and love, and lots of all of these.  Funny how it never discloses the costs . . . exhaustion, confusion, and loneliness.

S0 many times in my life I have tried to take it all on, at home, at work, with family, and with friends only to burnout and then sabotage so many of the relationships I held so dear.

The CRAP is crap.  Two examples will suffice.

Two Examples

After college I joined a small tech start-up, before tech start-ups were all the rage.  I wanted to get a taste for a small company, one where I could work my way up, and make a difference more quickly than at a corporation.

Well, I was very impatient.  I worked 16-18 hour days, and sky-rocketed to upper management at an extremely accelerated rate.  All of my time was spent thinking about and working at my job.  I took on more and more responsibility, without anyone asking me to do it, and of course my bosses loved it . . . less they had to do.

And my ego sucked it all up.  I loved how important I felt, how in demand I was, and how self-involved the entire experience felt to me.

Then my mother died, and of course, I never saw it coming even though all the signs pointed to her cancer ravaging her body.  I hardly visited home and by the time I last saw her, she was almost gone.

The shock wave took about a year to surface as a dramatic emotional tsunami.  I had to blame someone, and I was not ready to take responsibility for my own myopia.  So instead I walked right into my boss’ office and screamed at him for all the company had “taken” from me.

It took another try at out smarting the CRAP for the lesson to finally settle in.

This time after graduate school I returned to the USA to help my sister raise my adorable little niece and my pain in the butt baby nephew (he is wonderful now, thank goodness, and she can do no wrong in my book!).

I also wanted to pay off all of my student loans within five years (five-year plans did not work for the Soviets, and they rarely work for the individual).  I took on several part-time teaching jobs, and other entrepreneurial ventures that led me down the same path as when I worked at the start-up.

This time it cost me a business, a home, and a ten-year relationship.

Our Limitations Set us Free

So now I teach my clients (and re-teach myself) that genuine success is a process, and that process promotes the kind of goal achievement that enhances our emotional and physical well-being without suffering from the crippling cycle of burnout.

It is not about taking on more than we can chew, and it is about knowing when to say when. This type of success reminds us that just because you can does not necessarily mean you should, and just because you cannot does not mean you should necessarily care that you cannot.

In short, the success process promotes healthy experimentation with ample reflection to understand what works for you and your world.  Then live that way.

But at its deepest level, genuine success reminds us we cannot be all to all, because we are constrained.  Constrained by our humanity, and constrained by our individual physiology, psychology, and experiences.  But this realization of life as constrained actually sets us all free.  Free from the unrealistic expectations thrown at us from all directions each and every day, by parents, friends, partners . . . and most of all, by us.

Stop right now, take a deep breath, and experiment with just one or two new ways of living. Do it this week to begin divesting yourself from the CRAP.  In its place try exploring the life you actually want and can live successfully.

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.