So this week we complete our blog series on when coaching is the right choice for you.  Actually this last post is a continuation of our previous on effective decision making.

In Part I we introduced the term value. Values are concepts we hold dear, they make our hearts sing, and they should guide us when we make decisions each day.  But they only matter if we first identify them, then define them, and then choose to make decisions based upon them.

Part I also taught us that our parents’ values are often not ours.  If we mindlessly make decisions based on what we were told decades ago, we invariably make stupid choices.

Now Part II takes us from past to present.

An Experiment

First, let’s make the assumption that you know your values and you can clearly define them (and on the spot).  Mine are (and recently I have created phrases instead of words . . . just call it advanced value work):  1) promote balanced experimentation, 2) discover the win-win else move on, 3) pursue emotional and physical well-being.

Second, jot down the last two to three significant decisions you made, personal or professional.  We are talking significant here, not necessarily monumental.

For instance, last week I decided to plan a trip right before the holidays to help a client.  Also, I decided that while my husband is travelling in Asia this month, I would turn in earlier each evening since that is the time I miss him most acutely.

Third, bullet-point the reasons why you made your decisions.

For my first, traveling to a client before the holidays, I made the decision because . . .

1. I have never helped a client in this way before. (My first value)

2. She is a trusted and excellent client. (My second value)

3. It will be fun, exciting, and connecting. (My second and third value)

Great!  This is clearly a value-aligned decision.

For my second, hitting the hay earlier each night while the hubbie is away, I made this decision because . . .

1. I want to try a new way to miss him less. (My first value)

2. I do not want to get too sad, it may hurt my relationship. (My second value)

3. Waking up early (and earlier) is easy for me and I am naturally happier in the morning. (My third value)

Another value aligned decision.  And also this decision mitigates my fear, the fear of loneliness.

Why is this important?

The Power of Fear and Anger

Because we make terribly poor and stupid decisions when we are fearful and/or angry (and anger is often just a way we cope with fear).  And no one, when fearful or angry, has made more stupid and value unaligned decisions in his life than I have.

However, now I have the awareness and the tools at my disposal to prevent most of them.  (And trust me, experimenting with the difference between alone and loneliness is some further work I want to do.)

If you are honest I bet fear or anger played a significant role in one or more of your recent decision: Fear of failure, of looking stupid, of perceived laziness, or of incompetence.  Or anger at a colleague/friend, at yourself, or at a family member.

Fear and anger contribute as much to our stupid decisions as mindlessly following platitudes prescribed by our parents in our youth.  The more fearful and the angrier we are, the more we sabotage our success.

We will never eliminate all the sadness and anger in our lives, nor should we, but we can prevent ourselves from making decisions rooted in sadness and anger that have the potential to damage us and our community.

—

If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.