(audio version available at the end of this blog)

We are back to our blog series on who should hire a coach.  The wedding ceremonies are over, vacations complete, and I am back in the saddle coaching my clients.

I have coached hundreds of people, hard to believe, but true.  Most of my clients I meet 1 to 1 each week, or biweekly, or monthly.  My greatest challenge to this day is creating a specific client action-shift, the shift from weakness focused to strength focused living.

And oh boy, I realize I am up against human nature.  So let’s survey my four greatest challenges related to strengths.

1. Convincing Clients Strengths Matter 

Before delving into the advantages of strengths, I ask clients to identify their five greatest weaknesses.  While they ponder, I time them (unbeknownst to them) to see how long it takes them to come up with their choices.  On average only about 2 minutes.  Then I ask them to talk about those weaknesses and how they have affected their lives.  I get the greatest stories and the saddest faces.

And when I ask them to identify their five greatest strengths?  They look at me like I asked them to construct a rocket to take us to Mars.  They look mystified, confused, and unaware.  And when they can identify two or three (and that can take five minutes or more), the stories that highlight those choices are rarely riveting.

From a survival perspective, we evolved and evolve as a species because caution (and caution is a strength) is protective.  Best not to confront the saber tooth tiger, for example.  But in modern times we have allowed caution to foster a “weakness culture”.  It goes something like this: When we know what we do not do well, it seemingly protects us from embarrassment, humiliation, and taking the plunge (in business or in our personal lives).  But in 2014, too much caution (all strengths in excess are weaknesses!) produces excessive weakness thinking, undermining our opportunities for strength action. 

2. Identifying Strengths

Once I convince a client to experiment with a strength focus, we must identify their actual strengths.  There are a few great strength assessments out there and the best is VIA (take the shorter version here).

Clients are usually shocked by at least two or three of their top five, and a few invariably lament the fact that one or another is not “higher on their list” (there are 24 total in the VIA assessment, ranked from strongest to weakest).

Unlike our skills, which many of us have the ability to change quite rapidly if we apply ourselves, strengths are slower moving.  However, it need not seem tectonic.

When I first took the assessment the strength of “social intelligence” was low on my list.  I knew if I wanted to run a company and become the coach I wanted to become that that strength had to improve.  So I created an experiment involving active listening.  I met daily for forty days (sort of biblical I know . . . a psychologist would have a blast examining my experiments) with different friends, colleagues, and even potential suitors (I was single then)!  I asked great questions, I let conversations flow more naturally, and I did not look for how I could “benefit” from every angle.

Yes I know I am kooky, but several months after the experiment my social intelligence strength improved when I re-took the assessment (and now it is in my top five).

And yes, I keep a card in my wallet with my top five strengths printed on the front.  Card-carrying strength dork I am. 

3. Convincing Clients to Honor Their Strengths

Jot down the three people you admire most.  Take your time and think carefully about this.  These people can be dead or alive, real or fictional, people you know/knew personally or just know of.

Why do you admire these people?

Mostly likely because of one or more of their strengths.  But these strengths may not be yours (right now or ever, no matter how clever your experiments).

For instance, I admire FDR, he overcame a debilitating disability, made that disability an element of his success, and reached his goal of becoming the President.  In short, people who persevere impress me.  But the strength of perseverance ranks 20^th out of 24 identifiable strengths and has remained thereabouts since I first took the VIA assessment in 2008.

Oh well . . .  it is what it is!  Best to focus on my top five (creativity and originality are my top strengths, fyi).

A little imitation may be the greatest form of flattery, but it is folly in excess.  It’s not you and it shows.

4. Finding Ways to Practice Strength Living

It is essential to incorporate your strengths into your daily routine, else what’s the point?  It’s like having a beautiful smile yet never smiling.

But even after demonstrating the power and effectiveness of focusing on strengths, and even after identifying those strengths, and even after cautioning against pure mimicry, clients can still struggle with finding ways to practice their strengths.

And this is where great coaching helps.  Together, client and coach come up with myriad creative opportunities to use strengths to solve problems, seize opportunities, and achieve goals.

The best part is we “crowd out” weakness thinking because who has the time to brood about what we are not good at when we are spending our time engaging in our lives from a posture of strength.

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.