Abstract:

Ugh, so many of my older blogposts are in response to a mass shooting.  This is one I wrote after Sandy Hook.  The lessons, though, for us today, remain salient . . . when you are faced with the unexplainable in your own life or in the life of the nation, read, write and do the math.  Here’s how . . .

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Twenty young children murdered.  Why?

When I was in third grade I was asked by an elementary school teacher, Mr. Tenant, how I imagined my life one day?   I told him I would have 10 kids but no wife.  Strange (or not!) how things turned out.

Kids are fun . . . they energize me.  The greatest job I have ever had has been caring for my niece and nephew when they were little nibs.

And now a second Sandy in 2012 provides yet another reminder of how precious and fleeting life can be, at any age.

This time instead of an indiscriminate and inanimate killer like Hurricane Sandy, a young man zeroed in on children younger than ten and murdered over twenty at a school called Sandy Hook.

So what are the lessons from this Sandy that we can apply to our own lives . . . how can we heal through understanding ourselves and then others?

We can start with the 3 Rs:  reading, writing and arithmetic. Perhaps healing and understanding are elementary.

The reading . . .

The news of the mass shooting broke while I was teaching at an elementary school in Washington, DC.  I was in front of a group of teachers explaining the power of asking students questions before trying to solve their problems.

We often want to jump right in to solve someone else’s quandary.  We do this for a variety of reasons.

First, we may have a genuine desire to help, to mend, or to make it all better.

Second, we may like the feeling of being needed, of being the problem solver.

Third, it may take us away from our own problems and issues.  These problems may require our attention but, frankly, may be too scary or too complex to address in the present moment.

In other words, read yourself first, like a good book.  Delve deep and be open to whatever you discover.  Know that in the final analysis, there is no final analysis.

And then allow other people, young and old, the same privilege and responsibility.

The writing . . .

I urge my clients to write . . . it reveals!

[2019 Update: And like almost everything I write about or talk about, this idea is rooted in experimental science and not in some hocus-pocus coachy nonsense.]

It opens us up to ideas and to thoughts we often ignore about who we are and what we believe to be true.  As a close confidant always reminds me, the unconscious has a vested interest in remaining unconscious.  Bring it to the surface, most of us can handle the revelations and our fears subside.

If you hate the word journal then call it your blog.  I do it every week for my Kinetic readers (both audio and written) and another one for my own private consumption (God knows I am not sharing everything with ya, this is not Cinemax!).

What you discover may disturb or confound you . . . that just means you are on the right track!  The answers may be a series of better questions.

The arithmetic . . .

Read yourself and write about yourself (your thoughts, feelings and experiences) consistently and suddenly life’s equations will begin to piece together.  You will identify patterns of behavior you may want to continue, and others you may want to change. You will be less reactive and more responsive to events.  You will slow down.  You will smell more roses.

But here is the amazing part . . .

Soon you will expand your reading and writing.  You will make the connections between yourself and your community.   Your perspective and understanding of your world will become increasingly expansive as you practice and practice and practice.

Healing through understanding then is quite elementary and it may begin with the 3 Rs.  That does not mean it is easy and of course it takes time . . .

It is one small way we can honor the victims of the horrific tragedy that occurred this week by knowing ourselves and our community.  It will not prevent every tragedy but it will categorically prevent personal and community ignorance and misunderstanding in the face of tragedy.

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.