How do we know when we have fallen in love?

This is one of my great personal research questions of all time, since intimate love is what makes life so worth living.

I am not arguing that friendship love, family love, pet love or self love are immaterial.  On the contrary they are all integral to our well-being.

Intimate love, well, I mean come on . . . that is where the rubber hits the road baby.

Until recently I have been in love only once in my life.  Now I have undoubtedly had loving feelings for people in my past but only one person has ever passed the “Stairwell Indicator Test,” or SIT.

What is the SIT?  It’s a little kooky, but you all have come to expect nothing less from me.

My ex of ten years and I lived together in Boston at the end of the last century (as my wise guy 11 year old nephew reminds me, I am “so 20^th century”).  We shared a cute one bedroom on the top floor of a five floor walk-up.

No elevator (I recently learned that’s what a “walk-up” means!).

Before then I had dated and I had relationships, but they were always conveniently casual or long distance providing me with lots of space, both physically and emotionally.

You see, I have always been the type of guy who loves his solitary time.  Love to think, dream and chill out with a good book, a silly sitcom or my own thoughts.

So the Boston move with my ex was a big deal!

Within about a month or two I noticed something very interesting.  When I knew my ex was home I would dart up the stairs and revel in seeing his cute face upon my arrival.  I would pay attention to him, ask him questions . . . you know, engage in what loving couples do when they are together.

However, if I knew he was not at home I would slowly traverse each level of the building, open the door slowly and just do my thing with very little change in my disposition.  It was not a sadness, I was just fine, but the degree to which I could experience happiness was circumscribed when I could not share it.

Paradoxically, or perhaps appropriately, the relationship also never seemed to encroach upon my desire for solitude.  I could experience it alone or with him, weird I know.

Friends used to tell me my SIT enthusiasm would wear off . . . well it never did until we split up.  And as my regular readers know, that break-up pain prevented from me diving back in for a few years.

Sure glad I waited!

Now I am feeling love again (very exciting since he is dreamy!), but I do not have a stairwell to traverse.

Darn it, how do I know what I am feeling is real (as if we really ever know)?

Eureka!  My current apartment is at the end of an extremely long and winding hallway.   So from the SIT to the HIT (Hallway Indicator Test).

Now, let’s not get too ahead of ourselves here.  No one has moved in, yet.  But if I know he is in my home and I am out and about, then when I return to my building I “Usain Bolt” it down that hallway, every time.

For some of us we just know in our hearts when love is imminent.  But I just love multiple indicators that help me to understand what I am feeling and more importantly why I am feeling what I am feeling.

Love is in the air . . .

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.