Abstract:

What would a biographer entitle their book about your entire life if you died today?  Mine i hope would be the title of this blogpost from 2012.  Let me be clear:  I fail to live up to my responsibility, involvement often, but NOT more often than I meet this lofty call to action.  And it does not feel good when I do fail, but feeling good is not living the good life, if you are not also doing good!

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When I was in eighth grade I was asked by my “communications” teacher to enter a speech contest.  The topic:  My Responsibility, Involvement.

Back then, I hadn’t a clue what that meant but the idea of speaking in front of a large audience was so enticing . . . and the anticipation, electric.

So I brought the news home to my mother and sister.  My mother was thrilled for two reasons.  First, she was trained as a speech and drama teacher and loved performing.  Second, she knew her son had caught the “in the arena” bug many years before.  Then and now, I have grappled with  the allure of the spotlight.

However, my sister’s interest in the project has always perplexed me.  I have wondered for decades why she helped at all.  I mean she was an annoying self-absorbed 16 year-old older sibling . . . always plenty of boy or friend drama to keep her disengaged from any familial project.

Not until this week did I find my answer (keep reading) . . .

We got to work fast!  My mother and sister helped to craft a fantastic speech (who am I kidding, they wrote the whole darn thing), one arguing that a responsible citizen chooses his activities wisely. Only choices serving the greater good and his own growth/enlightenment are the truly responsible ones.

It was enlightened self-interest for the 1980’s and the Founding Fathers would have been so proud of me.

Fast forward 30 years . . .

This past week I have been in Cambridge, Massachusetts, celebrating the holiday with my family.  After all the turkey, stuffing, pie and ping pong tournaments, my sister, my niece and I got to work on her responsibility, involvement.

Tess, now 13, is applying to high schools and most of the applications are rigorous, comprehensive and frankly daunting. Unlike 30 years ago though, this time, the youngest participant is doing most the work.  My sister and I merely editors (aggressive editors perhaps).

We are helping my niece to uncover the themes of her life.  We often remain blind to our own life-themes, either too busy or too scared (and often these two excuses are inextricably linked) to reflect upon them.  It is much easier when you have help.

We are helping Tess to realize that she too is living a responsible life because she both knowingly and unknowingly engages in activities that benefit her and her world.

And so we have come full circle.  A new generation helped by the one preceding it (and from heaven my mother cheering us on with all of her incredibly expressive love and kooky affection).

My sister helped me many years ago.  Not out of obligation but because even annoying teenagers love a project where they can play to their strengths and support the team/family/group/class/themselves!

Helping was in my sister’s enlightened self-interest as she supported her annoying younger brother reach for the stars.  Just as it has been in my self-interest this week as I feel the love of two of my favorite girls in the service of my family and their goals.

What’s in your enlightened self-interest . . . your responsibility, involvement, so to speak?  Think about it, ask for support, then do it, for crying out loud.

[2019 update: Tess is now a junior at college and she is doing amazing things with her life.  This past summer instead of choosing a fancy internship that would have positioned her for stereotypical post-graduation largesse, she chose, instead, to teach high school children about marine biology and ecology while sailing through the seas of the Caribbean (how cool is that!?) . . . “This uncle could not be more proud of her”, the title perhaps if I wrote her biography.]

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.