I have felt out of sorts since returning from a trip to see my family over the holidays.

To be candid, I have been slightly depressed.  My grandmother would say, “Depressed?  There is no such thing.  Now eat!”

But here I would like to be a bit more nuanced.

So how do I better describe what I have been feeling:  well, sort of lonely, kinda tired, and not eager to engage in the activities from which I normally get a great deal of pleasure.

Loneliness

First, the loneliness.  My family provides such a positive injection of connection that I often feel sad when I return home.  I miss my family, a lot.

And now I live alone, so home seems quieter than normal.

I am not looking to solve anything here . . . just to be open.  Because intellectually I know that I have the power to date, the power to start new friendships, the power to visit my family when I want and the power to be lonely too.

Perhaps loneliness can be used to propel me forward, to a place I seek but a place I am often too afraid to venture towards.

Maybe 2013 will be about exploring once charted territories that have been avoided out of fear and protection.  We will see . . .

Fatigue

Second, my fatigue.  Often around this time of year I find myself more lethargic than normal.  I sleep longer and even wake up later than 5am, which is the usual crazy time I start my day.

I even find exercise, something I love almost as much as my family, to be arduous and less satisfying.

No doubt lack of sunshine and dismal days play a role.

But I also think, emotionally, the beginning of another year can produce both excitement and exhaustion.  I am excited for 2013 and I am also a little exhausted from a frenetic 2012.  I wonder how long my body and brain can behave like an 18 year old and live the pace I live!

I also wonder how many of my readers are feeling both excited and tired, both thrilled with family relationships and fearful of building close ties to those you have not even met.

I do not believe I am alone here.

I love a dichotomy and I do not think we have to reconcile any of them.  I am okay with being out of sorts, it helps me to understand my world.  And it helps me to understand my place within it.

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.