(audio version available at the end of this post)

“They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law,” Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote, “[and] the Constitution grants them that right.”

After 45 years of a very verbose existence, I am finally speechless.

Well not really . . .

The Supreme Court and countless equality advocates and allies, now and in the past, have provided all of us, gay and straight, with an amazing opportunity . . . marriage equality.

Interestingly, yesterday’s decision had no direct influence on my relationship.  I am actually already legally married.  The same Justice Kennedy wrote another opinion in 2013 that afforded me and my husband that right and privilege.

We are multi-racial, gay, husbands to the second power.  Holy cow, that’s why we get invited to so many cocktail parties!

A psychologist and innovative scholar reminds us that commitment requires more than the expressed promises declared on our celebratory day.  So after we tied the knot we instituted something called the Marriage Meeting.

We knew that our wedding vows would only get us so far.

As such, we gather twice a month for our meeting (every other Sunday to be precise).  The purpose is to insure open and candid communication about all the thoughts, feelings, and desires we have as a couple and as individuals.  Of course we communicate at others times, but it is amazing how quickly relationships get so conversationally superficial.

If you are in a relationship, married or not, I urge you to try the Marriage (Partnership) Meeting.  It’s fun.

Here are some tips to make it work well:

1) Institute Alternating Chairpersons:  To promote equality we each chair one meeting per month.  The chair sends the other the agenda the day before.  Of course the non-chair can add things to that agenda.  My husband and I have a sort of Kirk-Spock dynamic going.  So my agenda is typically filled with the emotional, gushy stuff and his the more sedate day to day decision-making essentials, very logical indeed.  It makes for a great balance.

2) Choose the Right Day and Time: I am an early bird and my husband is a night owl, so we have a window from about 11am to 4pm where we are mutually optimal human beings.  We make sure our meetings take place during these hours.  How many times have you had an argument with a close friend, a partner, or work associate because you picked the wrong time or wrong day to bring up the controversial topic?  Be strategic with logistics and watch the communication flourish.

3) The Marriage Meeting is Sacrosanct: Just like the institution of marriage the meetings make us better partners and better people (and better Americans).  Not attending or canceling is not an option, as anathema to us as divorce.

Minorities have always been held to a higher standard. We welcome the challenge and the majority’s expectations, because we are inspired and emboldened by the opportunities and responsibilies afforded to us by the Constitution and by our common humanity.

God bless America.

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.