(audio version available at the end of this blog)

“Just live according to your values.”  Many coaches think it is the magic elixir that leads to success.

They are only partially correct.

A valued decision filter is undoubtedly a critical component to living a life of success, a life of goal achievement that raises our emotional and physical well-being while we avoid the crippling cycle of burn-out.

But it is not enough.

In fact, even when we filter well (and that is a challenge that requires useful tools and awareness), we still must ensure those values are not virtue-neutral else we are prone to an aimless life.

This past week during our third module of Success U we made the argument that values should make our hearts sing when we think and act upon them.  And (and this is a very important and) these same values that make our hearts sing must be grounded in virtue.  Virtuous values contribute to the kind of success that makes life worth living.

Getting Over the Value Hump

Face it, most people make decisions without ever filtering them through any mindful mechanism.  Just think back to some critical choices you have made in your life, perhaps examples you are not particularly proud of.  The following three categories were undoubtedly in play (and probably remain prominent) . . .

1. Fear: When was the last time you ended a relationship for fear of commitment?  (I am guilty of that one . . . many times.)

2. Anger: When was the last time you sent an angry email or spoke inelegant words when a colleague, friend or partner provoked you?  (I have been there and done that too often to recount.)

3. Sadness/Escapism: When was the last time you avoided deciding because of a sense of “it will not matter one way or the other because I cannot make a difference”? (I have had a job or two where this was at play.)

Define Your Values

In Success U we combat the power of fear, anger, and/or sadness with a success decision filter.

In ninety minutes I take the cohort through a challenging but fruitful exercise that narrows down their potential value list from hundreds of words to just five.  This involves both concrete suggestions from me that may resonate with students and alternatives gleaned from conversations with classmates.

And we know we are on the right value track when our preliminary value word choices make our hearts sing.

Values Steeped in Virtue

But our hearts are not enough.  They often mislead us.

Enter your moral mind.

We talk a lot about virtue in Success U, the virtues of courage, humanity, justice, temperance, transcendence, and wisdom.  Choosing values that embody as many of these virtues creates a sense of life balance and mastery so many of us crave.

For example, having fun is a value, but how do we choose from the innumerable fun options in our lives?  Virtuous fun helps us make better decisions while we create healthy  boundaries that reduce the pitfalls of the hedonic life.

Helping others is another example of a value.  But if we are helping drug dealers  sell to children (I know, an extreme example) then that is not a success-driven value grounded in any virtue.

Grapple and Grow

A 2-hour module is not enough.  What if the words chosen in the heat of the moment are not making your heart sing the next morning?  Ditch them!  What if the words are not virtue inspired.  Ditch them!  What if you are confused and uncomfortable?  Wonderful!

Your words will change and I challenge students to define their words with a level of specificity that precludes misunderstanding.  Then I ask them to craft a single sentence or series of phrases that truly embody their values.

And once you go through this entire process life is easy, right?

I wish.

Life is complex but that complexity provides us with so many opportunities to refine and explore our world through the lens of our values.

The goal for all of us is not ease; it is success.

And virtuous values are a critical component of living a successful life.  So enjoy exploring your values Fall 2014 Success U cohort.

—

If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.