(audio version available at the end of this blog)

Last week I spoke to a group of executives in New York on the topic of work-life balance.  Balance is all the rage, unfortunately how people go about achieving “it” often misses the mark, and by a heck of a lot.

It is Not About Time Management

I personally had an early life experience with the pursuit of balance.

When I was nine my parents divorced.  Several years later my mother shared with me my “procedure” for dealing with parents in two households.  She noticed that I spent almost exactly fifty percent of my time with her and fifty percent with my father (my father moved three blocks away).  I was obsessed with being fair and balanced (never thought I would write that phrase), but my process was exhausting.

This is the same challenge people face with work versus life.  It is not a matter of cleverly allocating time within each sphere.  In fact, it is not about anything versus anything else.  Instead, what matters is practicing well-being whether at work or at home.  And well-being has multiple elements (complex challenges often do).

First, Elements of Emotional Well-Being

We are achievement-aholics in the USA (and many other places around the world too).  This lopsided view of what will bring us well-being determines our actions at work and at home.  We presume incorrectly that accomplishments always produce the well-being (aka happiness).

It is not that simple.  In fact, when most people become hyper focused on reaching goals they are prone to harming their relationships and health as their goals become obsessions.

That said, achievement is important.

Until we embrace a more complex understanding of well-being and how it relates to goals, we will never learn.  So first I taught my NY group methods to mitigate achievement mania by focusing on four additional elements of emotional well-being (positive emotions, engagement, win-win relationships, and meaning).

Second, Elements of Physical Well-Being 

I am no fool (well sometimes).  I realize most executives will remain ensconced in their achievement mindset.  So I offered this possibility.  If you make a concerted effort to maintain high levels of physical well-being you will increase your bandwidth to achieve while not sacrificing emotional well-being.

In fact, the more I coach the more I realize the power of the physiological over the psychological.  Many times clients ask me to help them dig deep to get to the cause of their lack of balance, when if fact, after I convince them to track their nutrition, sleep, exercise, and stress (4 of the 5 physical elements we explored in New York), they discover that the elusive balance they crave significantly involves a careful analysis of their physical health.

Think of the last three times you lost your cool.  I would wager a lot that two of those three instances had to do with a physical health imbalance at the time exacerbating your perceived anger trigger.  Hangry is real (check out this amazing New Yorker article on its power).  

Your Well-Being Combination

No doubt the physiological and psychological engage in what one researcher calls a complex choreography.  So I ended my seminar with an honest statement: “I have no idea what combination of the emotional and/or physical elements will make you feel more balanced.”  But I do know this:  Manipulating and experimenting with the elements will enable all of us to uncover many unexpected healthy conclusions.  

And then the fun work of implementing changes that allow us to live the balanced life can begin.

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If you have any questions about coaching please feel free to contact me at scott@kineticcoaching.co, and remember I always offer a complimentary 30-45 minute session to prospective clients to determine if we want to work together.